My parents gave me a lot of good advice. One piece I tend to ignore is, “Go to bed early, as nothing beneficial happens after midnight.” But there is one, I have adhered to for decades. “If at all possible, go to the wake or funeral.” Being in the line of work most of us are in, we attend and most likely play for our fair share of funeral and memorial services. Perhaps as I have, you’ve come to understand that these gatherings are for the living, not the dead. Sometimes these are part of our responsibilities at church. But often, it is someone we know – a colleague, friends’ parents, second cousin or neighbor. Just making the effort to show up is invaluable consolation to those who have lost someone special. We become like the pieces of a quilt – offering something warm and comforting to those whose grief is profound.
Fewer people are going to memorial services these days, according to surveys by the National Funeral Directors Association. In 2013, 10.3% of respondents had not gone to a funeral in the last five years. In 2019, almost 37% had not gone to any memorial service in five years. This isn’t a good trend. So as a parent of four grown children, I’m going to pass along the same advice my parents gave me years ago. Send a card, make a call or, better yet, attend the service. What you’ll give to the grieving family is priceless.
Isn’t it interesting to consider the parallels of a funeral service to where we are in the Liturgical Year? Most faith traditions acknowledge a hope in life after death at a funeral. As we focus on the suffering and death of Jesus during Lent, I am also thinking ahead to the wonderfully triumphant Easter Season when we can pull out all the stops.
Warmly,
Judy Kohl, Dean